Message #70:
From: AzTeC SW Archaeology SIG
To:   "'Matthias Giessler'" 
Subject: Bill Gates and the SHPO
Date: Wed, 05 Feb 97 10:47:00 MST
Encoding: 56 TEXT

From: Jane Kolber 

"BILL GATES GOES TO HELL"  Bill Gates dies in a car accident.  He finds 
himself in purgatory, being sized up by St Peter.  "Well, Bill, I'm really 
confused on this call; I'm not sure where to send you.  After all, you 
helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in 
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.  I'm going to do 
something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide 
whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell."

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St Peter:  "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will 
help your decision."
Bill:  "Fine, but where should I go first?"
St Peter:  "I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell.  It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear 
waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, 
laughing, and frolicking about.  The sun was shining; the temperature was 
perfect.  Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St Peter.  "If 
this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"  Heaven was a place high in the 
clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing.  It was nice, 
but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his 
decision.  "Hmmm.  I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St Peter.  "Fine," 
retorted St Peter, "as you desire."  So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see 
how he was doing in Hell.  When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a 
wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being tortured by demons. 
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.  Bill responded, his voice filled 
with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful!  This is nothing like the 
Hell I visited two weeks ago!  I can't believe this is happening!  What 
happened to that other place, with beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad 
women playing in the water?"   "That was a demo," replied St Peter. "The 
released version has a few bugs."

[SASIG Ed. Reply ]
Funny stuff, Jane.  Of course, given a similar decision, the archaeologist 
went to hell and found all the rock art desired, pyramids, jade masks, 
burned pit houses with skeletons, radiocarbon datable materials from in situ 
contexts -- friendly, comely co-workers who knew statistics and how to write 
 --  and unlimited beer --  all the things an archaeologist might dream of.

The archaeologist selected Hell.  Later St Peter found her shackled in a 
cubicle, next to a noisy photocopy machine and a dirty restroom, with no 
budget and no permission to do fieldwork !!  She complained that this wasn't 
the Hell she had previously visited.

St Peter replied :  "Ah you were only in the sample unit.  But since you 
seemed to understand sampling and probability theory, We've made you the 
SHPO ! "